Metamorphosis

BsAs is becoming smaller these days but unfortunately the same can´t be said for the cockroaches, which despite a second attempt at fumigation, are still very much alive and crawling. We´re getting used to the stench of insecticide. Not for the first time, I´ve imagined we could feature in a plot not dissimilar to Kafka's 'Metamorphosis´

I win the bimbo point this time. Out at a waterside restaurant in the city´s smart refurbished port, Puerto Madero, I see a large, black insect crawling under the table. Feet up on the chair next to me, in a blind paralysed panic I croak 'GET SOMEONE!!´at a bewildered Sare who obediently rushes off to get a waiter. I´m having visions of the large roach scurrying up my chair, thinking about it´s repulsiveness being just inches away. I´m so scared, I can´t even move my eyeballs.

The whole restaurant is looking but I don´t care. A concerned looking waiter comes to my aid. It feels like eternity. Under the table, he catches it in his bare hands, looks at me and smiles. I can see what he is thinking.

'Stupid English. How can someone be so pathetic? Scared of a harmless little cricket.'

Ouch.